Review

It's been a good year for my music - and, by Dog, it's about time.

Ten years ago, by contrast, I was a mess. I spent my entire undergrad degree in a perpetual state of fright and ennui. A seven-year writer's block. I was far too rigid, paranoid - and, dare I say, lazy - to write even the simplest of pieces. In fact, I failed my third year because in place of the required hour of music I submitted two 5-minute sketches.

This year, however, I've felt much more revived and courageous. It's as if I've finally had it with wondering "what if?" and "when will I?" and "why didn't I?" and just fucking got off my arse to write stuff. And, happily, opportunities to write have come thick and fast.

Things began promisingly, with my first ever New York premiere: three electronic pieces set to dance by Alice Lee Holland and performed by a new group in Brooklyn. Later I had my first Los Angeles premiere: "Hundreds Of Exploding Suns" for bass flute and electronics, performed by my great friend Antares Boyle.

Between June and October I wrote my first album-length work, an electronic score for Alice Holland's "Preparing To Be Beautiful". We enjoyed five sold-out shows at the Artrage festival in Perth and we're aiming to present the work at future festivals. Working alone at the computer offered me the liberty to explore a number of elements I've been keen on for years: assymetrical rhythms, tautly driven dance music, spacious and reflective electronica.

In late September the Sydney Children's Festival picked up "Critical Mass", a show I'd been developing for the past couple of years with Janet McKay. It was a great success, both artistically and audience-wise, and likewise I was able to explore elements I've long held dear: large-scale bodily choreography, installation, structured improvisation. At the risk of sounding immodest I think my own contribution, "Ascending Children", finally captured my interest in simple, closed forms elegantly and beautifully.

I also managed a few smaller commissions: "Night Nurse (This Thing Deep Inside You It Will Kill You)" for amplified rock quintet, written for Chronology Arts and premiered at the Sound Lounge in Sydney, and "Conception" for 4-part choir and chamber ensemble written for the Stations Of Creation project. Plus, through my Bundanon residency I managed to chip away at a few ongoing pieces including an orchestral chaconne and some piano studies. I also also finally finished a work that, although minor, had preoccupied me for about 6 years: "B Is For Body (In 3 Parts: Feet, Heart, Head)" for celesta/harpsichord/fortepiano.

The main breakthroughs, I think, have been internal. A renewed energy, urgency and aggression towards success. A new bravery. A new industry and confidence. I'm not sure that I've had a Eureka moment, a sudden grand insight into how my music should sound like from now (although I do recall lying in a depressed, feverish haze earlier in the year thinking it was time to be really, seriously courageous with my music - so perhaps that counts). Rather, it's been a slowly building sense of momentum, I guess, and a sense of anger at my previous squandering of time and energy. So I predict bigger and better things to come.

But damn it, why couldn't I have done this well when I was being marked for it?